If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
