go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
