Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
