sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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