I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
