Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
