Nicole vs. Life
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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