I can tuck mytits in my pants
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
