My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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