Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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