Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
