I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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