The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
