Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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