I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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