finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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