I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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