You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
