I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
