No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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