Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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