If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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