It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
