WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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