I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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