Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
