I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You can't just leave with hair like that
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
