what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
