Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
