I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
