Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize