he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
