I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
