your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's never too late to be topless.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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