you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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