That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
