I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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