guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
