I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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