he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.