checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
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There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
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And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.