Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.