morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
