Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
