Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
