Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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