Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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