I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
