Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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