is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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