Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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