Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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