My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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