So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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