Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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