she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
