waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
pop tarts are not kleenex
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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